Nothing like an Angry migraine to bring one back to reality. Plus a little miranda july, arvo perte, cat power & leftover scrambled eggs for protein. My body threw me off the cliff this morning, as it has before. I know this cycle. Today, as last time I applied shiatsu to myself and felt some amazing things deep in the core of my energy. Barnaby helped. I'm weak & angry about it, but not able to express it. indecisive and controlling. an unfriendly combo for one person. give up control & strike a path. toward the heart. First this means experiencing myself newly. Today I felt the impact of holding something, deep penetration came about through a prolonged holding. Shifts moved me. I think I fell asleep while holding my GB/LV in hara and in my sleep a deep filling of energy came to those areas so that it woke me. In this state of fullness I realized they had been empty, charging ahead without substance, without backing & the support of water, wood had been angrily consuming earth, which has also grown weak and allowing a strong fire, which has been causing my Pericardium and Heart to flame upward, making my heart beat heavily and my breathing harried.
Such beautiful visions I have in my head. Miranda July helped me to see weakness easily spoken to, You just open your mouth to speak & it's all there. It doesn't have to be made perfect, it is perfect already. Everything is already realized. Getting it out, verbalizing, creating a piece of art, is another step toward passing through. This step can be flawed, this step will be flawed. Speak what you can't figure out. Speak the questions you can't answer, yet. A performance doesn't have to be an answer, it doesn't have to be a statement of knowledge, it can be just an act of oneself. oneself pursuing. Oneself doing nothing more than one is able. Doing less than what your imagination creates. It can be a game. It doesn't have to be clever.
The performing space is your experience, your reference of that experience and the moment you live it.
